How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
