69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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