Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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