Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
