I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
