why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
