why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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