You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
