Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
