He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to cum in my sink.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
