chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I didn't notice because vodka
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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