i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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