i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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