Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
