Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize