I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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