I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We need a shit load of segways right now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
