Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
