i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think your dad took our porno
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i think my cat just said my name.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
