I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
