I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
