There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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