I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am naked and annoyed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
