Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Found your dick twin last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
