dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
