My sheets look like a crime scene.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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