I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
