Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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