he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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