Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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