Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
