Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
