My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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