You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
