Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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