And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
