they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
