so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
