R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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