I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
