He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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