'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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