he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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