would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
