Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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