I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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