also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
