you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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