I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
