why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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