You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
