I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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