i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
