Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
