It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
