genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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