I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
