after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
