i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So much rum. So many feels.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
