I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
