and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
