It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
