Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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