My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
