Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
