im about as happy as oj after his trial
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
