I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
